andrewducker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andrewducker) wrote2012-05-20 12:14 pm
andrewducker) wrote2012-05-20 12:14 pm
Houston, we have a gift problem
One of the things remaining on our slowly diminishing wedding to-do list is "Make a gift list."
The problem being that there's very little we actually want. It's not like in ye olden days when a wedding was the point where children moved out from their parents and set up their own home, needing sheets, plates, etc. to get them started. We've been living together for two years, we've both been living away from home for many years, and we have pretty much everything you need to run a home.
Julie's currently clicking through the John Lewis website, looking at crockery and trying to decide if these are things we actually want people to spend money on. I've stared blankly at the numerous other tabs, thinking "Well, yes, a 93" TV would be lovely, but I'd feel actively guilty if people spent cash on a new TV for me when the current one is great."
The things we do want feel like normal household improvements. We'd like to replace all the curtains, because they suck. We need a new kitchen, because it's godawful. I suspect we're going to say "Please give us vouchers, and we will use them to replace our curtains and kitchen appliances." But we can't even say "Please give us a new dishwasher", because the whole kitchen needs to be ripped out, and that's not happening until the PhD is finished (a month-ish after the wedding), and we don't have anywhere to put a dishwasher for a month.
The problem being that there's very little we actually want. It's not like in ye olden days when a wedding was the point where children moved out from their parents and set up their own home, needing sheets, plates, etc. to get them started. We've been living together for two years, we've both been living away from home for many years, and we have pretty much everything you need to run a home.
Julie's currently clicking through the John Lewis website, looking at crockery and trying to decide if these are things we actually want people to spend money on. I've stared blankly at the numerous other tabs, thinking "Well, yes, a 93" TV would be lovely, but I'd feel actively guilty if people spent cash on a new TV for me when the current one is great."
The things we do want feel like normal household improvements. We'd like to replace all the curtains, because they suck. We need a new kitchen, because it's godawful. I suspect we're going to say "Please give us vouchers, and we will use them to replace our curtains and kitchen appliances." But we can't even say "Please give us a new dishwasher", because the whole kitchen needs to be ripped out, and that's not happening until the PhD is finished (a month-ish after the wedding), and we don't have anywhere to put a dishwasher for a month.
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If you weren't inviting people who would be over-sensitive, you could say something along the lines of "You don't need to get us anything. However, if you DO want to get us anything then you can imagine the kind of things that we would like. If you can't imagine the kind of things that we would like, then you probably don't know us that well, so really - don't feel you need to buy us anything if that's the case."
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"We really value your presence rather than your presents on our
special day. we appreciate the effort and expense of attending our wedding (most people are travelling and staying overnight) so please do not feel obliged to buy us a gift as well. If you would like to..."
I like the presence presents!