I'm going to go ahead and say that I don't understand why so many of my friends wouldn't friend their parents. It's not like they're talking about hookers and blow in their status messages, and every single party I've been to since I was about 25 has been perfectly civilized. (But then again, my parents probably went to far wilder parties than I've ever been to.)
I have a Facebook I never use. I only really log in when I'm concerned that I haven't heard from certain friends for a while. My mum's a 'friend' on there, but I've barely had any interaction with her on it, even when I did use it semi-regularly.
I find friending on hard Facebook because I don't like to insult people, and being connected with my real name I can't exactly hide from them. But then, seeing as I don't exactly use it, I don't see any harm having parents, etc, on it.
I have actually only 'met' my child's girlfriend on Facebook. My teenage/young adult kids are on there, and we have friended each other, but we interact there as friends, not as parent/child.
I did friend both my parents on Facebook, but after my father died my step-mother defriended me and deleted his account. It's a shame because he left me some nice messages, including one where he agreed with something my mother wrote.
I don't have children (yet), but I would definitely friend them. In fact, don't most parents these days seem to create accounts for their newborns anyway?
One point though, I rarely post anything that I wouldn't want anyone to see (it's one way of ensuring that nothing sensitive ends up on the Internet where I can't control it). Consequently there's little reason to worry about who I friend (other than for overload reasons).
Having said I wouldn't friend my parents or my children if they were on Facebook, I would talk about it with them, find out what they wanted, and try to reach a mutually agreeable position, which would be open to review if our feelings changed.
I can imagine wanting to make permission to use Facebook contingent on me being involved closely when my kids are very young (oldest is 4 at the moment, so it may not come up for a while - but you never know). I'd then expect to move back to more hands-off when they start to really want their own space. And then finally reach a position where the idea of requiring parental permission or oversight to use a website seems risible to both parties. Space for kids to explore where they don't feel parents looking over their shoulder the whole time is really important, in general as well as online, and it's easy to underestimate how ready for that kids are. But on the other hand, it is my responsibility to keep them safe until they are able to make their own decisions. It can't be a hands-off thing, or a total-surveillance-until-18 thing: I need to be engaged, and judge how best to support them in becoming independent adults. The key thing for me would be talking about it and reviewing it regularly.
My parents aren't on Facebook, but they are fairly tech-savvy (very much so for their generation), and I know that they Google me irregularly. My Facebook updates are almost all auto-posted from my public Twitter account, so there's unlikely to be a big issue with them uncovering great dark secrets. I'd prefer not, just because of that looking over the shoulder thing, but if they wanted to (say because they felt out of touch with me and thought it would help) I wouldn't have a major problem.
(I do text my Mum regularly. She's the only person I regularly text who uses textspeak heavily (cu l8r), which I find faintly amusing because I otherwise associate it with people considerably younger than me. She got in to it early through exchanges with a text bunny daughter-in-law back in the days before T9/predictive text, and retains elements of that style.)
I'm on Facebook, as is my mum, though not my dad. My mum likes keeping in touch with me and my two sisters via Facebook. We're all pretty close. robhu is on Facebook, as is his mum, but they're not friends. My mum wanted to friend him, but he wouldn't let her. I think that reflects the difference in his relationship with his mum. They're not as close as I am to my family.
I am friends with my parents-in-law, but my Mum thinks Facebook is Evil.
But I do have filters set up to filter in and out all kinds of people - not just family, but the large number of people of my FB who are professional contacts only - the random updates you will see thereby mostly don't get seen by a random comedy photographer I have never met who lives in London, but they are still there for when I want to post professional content (Skinny articles etc)
I don't think I ever have filtered out my in-laws but I know I could. I have a 'sweary filter' for slightly more risque content that is blocked from both my in-laws and Ari's wee cousin who I'm friends with.
Pretty much everything I post on the Internet goes through a "would I want my Mum reading this?" filter in my head. My parents have seen my Facebook account, but not (AFAIK) my LiveJournal or Twitter accounts.
As it happens the first contact I'd had with my dad in over twenty years was me poking him on Facebook - it having finally occurred to me that a musician/artist/techy who was silly enough to change his name to Chris with an X instead of a Ch at the front was theoretically someone pretty easy to find on search engines.
I only just noticed that he appears to have deleted his facebook page, which gives you an idea of how much I noticed him while he had it. We were friends but hadn't really spoken in about a year and a half or so and our contact was pretty sporadic before that - he was really never sure what to say, particularly after Mum died, and I never really had a particular inclination to develop any sort of relationship from my end.
I friended my mother on LJ, but I have a not-mum filter for the very occasional things I think my friends will be more comfortable reading than my mother. I would happily do the same on facebook, except that I've never quite got round to setting up any filtering/groups/etc, so although 99.9% of updates are fine, I don't want to always think "is it possible this photo someone took might be awkward for mum"?
I would friend my parents, but one is dead and the other is probably not on Facebook. Actually, Facebook would be an ideal way to keep in touch with my dad - I wouldn't expend much effort, and he could see photos of his grandchildren and contact me if he could be bothered.
I have both my stepdaughters as FB friends (and one as an LJ friend), and I hope by the time my kids are old enough, if FB is still around, they'll friend me. My teenage cousins have their mother friended. I don't know whether they filter her out of some of their more gratuitous goings-on or whether she has the sense not to comment, though...
My Dad is probably the most regular commenter on my facebook staus, sadly. Which leads to loads of self editing. But I have other places to swear and it is actually a good way to stay in touch with my parents (my mum reads facebook using Dad's account, which pisses me off but is a lost cause.)
But you've reminded me of a facebook related conversation I had last night - I'll post about it later.
My mom isn't on Facebook, but her boyfriend is. I've friended him. Then again, I don't post any meaningful content to my Facebook. LJ is in principle a more problematic case, but since I don't friends-lock my LJ, it's moot.
I'm not on FB, but the problem with family would be much the same as with email use I expect. Namely do they know what they're doing, and if so, how come they keep forwarding you emails of little use and much bandwidth that includes the email addresses of everyone else they've forwarded it too? (Which is something none of my online friends do but most of my relations do.)
I might get on FB, but it'll only be for keeping up with family.
I'm friends with my Mum on Facebook and, apart from occasionally telling me off for swearing, it's a perfect way for her to see photos, etc. I think she really likes being part of friend-conversations - it's like she can be at the party without the smell of wine, checking that I'm happy and seeing how my friendships/support networks function.
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I find friending on hard Facebook because I don't like to insult people, and being connected with my real name I can't exactly hide from them. But then, seeing as I don't exactly use it, I don't see any harm having parents, etc, on it.
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"Gah, those kids/parents..."
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I don't have children (yet), but I would definitely friend them. In fact, don't most parents these days seem to create accounts for their newborns anyway?
One point though, I rarely post anything that I wouldn't want anyone to see (it's one way of ensuring that nothing sensitive ends up on the Internet where I can't control it). Consequently there's little reason to worry about who I friend (other than for overload reasons).
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I can imagine wanting to make permission to use Facebook contingent on me being involved closely when my kids are very young (oldest is 4 at the moment, so it may not come up for a while - but you never know). I'd then expect to move back to more hands-off when they start to really want their own space. And then finally reach a position where the idea of requiring parental permission or oversight to use a website seems risible to both parties. Space for kids to explore where they don't feel parents looking over their shoulder the whole time is really important, in general as well as online, and it's easy to underestimate how ready for that kids are. But on the other hand, it is my responsibility to keep them safe until they are able to make their own decisions. It can't be a hands-off thing, or a total-surveillance-until-18 thing: I need to be engaged, and judge how best to support them in becoming independent adults. The key thing for me would be talking about it and reviewing it regularly.
My parents aren't on Facebook, but they are fairly tech-savvy (very much so for their generation), and I know that they Google me irregularly. My Facebook updates are almost all auto-posted from my public Twitter account, so there's unlikely to be a big issue with them uncovering great dark secrets. I'd prefer not, just because of that looking over the shoulder thing, but if they wanted to (say because they felt out of touch with me and thought it would help) I wouldn't have a major problem.
(I do text my Mum regularly. She's the only person I regularly text who uses textspeak heavily (cu l8r), which I find faintly amusing because I otherwise associate it with people considerably younger than me. She got in to it early through exchanges with a text bunny daughter-in-law back in the days before T9/predictive text, and retains elements of that style.)
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But I do have filters set up to filter in and out all kinds of people - not just family, but the large number of people of my FB who are professional contacts only - the random updates you will see thereby mostly don't get seen by a random comedy photographer I have never met who lives in London, but they are still there for when I want to post professional content (Skinny articles etc)
I don't think I ever have filtered out my in-laws but I know I could. I have a 'sweary filter' for slightly more risque content that is blocked from both my in-laws and Ari's wee cousin who I'm friends with.
Lxxx
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As it happens the first contact I'd had with my dad in over twenty years was me poking him on Facebook - it having finally occurred to me that a musician/artist/techy who was silly enough to change his name to Chris with an X instead of a Ch at the front was theoretically someone pretty easy to find on search engines.
I only just noticed that he appears to have deleted his facebook page, which gives you an idea of how much I noticed him while he had it. We were friends but hadn't really spoken in about a year and a half or so and our contact was pretty sporadic before that - he was really never sure what to say, particularly after Mum died, and I never really had a particular inclination to develop any sort of relationship from my end.
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I have both my stepdaughters as FB friends (and one as an LJ friend), and I hope by the time my kids are old enough, if FB is still around, they'll friend me. My teenage cousins have their mother friended. I don't know whether they filter her out of some of their more gratuitous goings-on or whether she has the sense not to comment, though...
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[TICK] I would not friend my parents, because that's not what Facebook is for
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But you've reminded me of a facebook related conversation I had last night - I'll post about it later.
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I might get on FB, but it'll only be for keeping up with family.
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