You've suggested ways that the problem could have been avoided, and zornhau has said that being that careful could itself be patronising and may mean the hypothetical man finds it difficult to establish relationships, as women largely still expect men to make the first move (after giving some signals that they're welcome). Seeing as forming relationships or taking part in non-patronising casual sex are good things, it seems there's a balance to be struck between risks and rewards.
Maybe there's an assumption here that if the hypothetical woman is upset about what happened, someone must be to blame, and if it's not her, it's the hypothetical man. But in the situation described, I think the man acted reasonably: he could have done other things, but I don't see any reason to suggest that he should have (this example is different from the Doctor/Amy case because we're not told he persists in the face of opposition). So I'd say neither of them are to blame.
I don't think I said it was the hypothetical man's fault. I did say in a later comment: No, I'm saying that he has to accept the even explicit consent does not mean she's okay with it, and that he should understand there are dozens of reasons why his actions might be considered intimidating and pressuring even if he doesn't intend them to.
Expecting understanding is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and I will continue to do so. I'm not here trying to point out who's to blame, I'm trying to point out that until we realize there are many different meanings of assault for many different people, it's going to be nigh-on impossible to make it stop occurring at all.
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andrewducker) wrote2010-05-25 01:04 pm
Re: Flesh and Stone
Maybe there's an assumption here that if the hypothetical woman is upset about what happened, someone must be to blame, and if it's not her, it's the hypothetical man. But in the situation described, I think the man acted reasonably: he could have done other things, but I don't see any reason to suggest that he should have (this example is different from the Doctor/Amy case because we're not told he persists in the face of opposition). So I'd say neither of them are to blame.
Re: Flesh and Stone
Expecting understanding is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and I will continue to do so. I'm not here trying to point out who's to blame, I'm trying to point out that until we realize there are many different meanings of assault for many different people, it's going to be nigh-on impossible to make it stop occurring at all.