andrewducker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andrewducker) wrote2009-07-15 10:58 pm
andrewducker) wrote2009-07-15 10:58 pm
Empathic Failure
One of the strange attitudes on the spoilers post is that of people who seem insistent on telling me how I should enjoy movies. That I pay too much attention to plot, or that I just shouldn't enjoy a movie less if I know how it's going to turn out.
This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.
And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.
It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.
You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.
It's an attitude that completely baffles me.
This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.
And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.
It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.
You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.
It's an attitude that completely baffles me.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
People can be too anything. If people can be so sensitive so that it impairs their day to day living I would say that is too much. Off course you'd probably need a hell of a long tail to find such a person put there you go...
To risk, unintended but I feel it could be interpreted as such so please excuse me if I've gone and been a product of white male middle class priviledge again, misogyny: Clearly to an extent we do belive some people can be "too sensitive" - I'd say that narratives of HRT for menopausal women include bits about emotional stability. Obviously the argument here is that increased sensitivity (at the extreme) leads to emotional instability.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
Depends on how much it impairs it. I mean, my day would be better if I wasn't sensitive to idiots saying stupid things, but it's not such a massive impairment that I fancy seeking help with it :->
Similarly, emotional stability is a personal matter too. Everyone is a bit unstable, or we wouldnt have emotion reactions at all. What level of instability we're happy with is for us to decide.
I think that choices about sensitivity levels are personal - there's no _global_ bar for sensitivity, there's what individuals are comfortable with.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa