andrewducker | Empathic Failure

One of the strange attitudes on the spoilers post is that of people who seem insistent on telling me how I should enjoy movies. That I pay too much attention to plot, or that I just shouldn't enjoy a movie less if I know how it's going to turn out.

This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.

And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.

It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.

You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.

It's an attitude that completely baffles me.

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I don't actually expect people to change their behaviour significantly. I'm expecting them to understand me :->

I don't find my views overly sensitive. Dead simple so they are - I don't want to be told the endings of things I haven't seen. Now, I know people who don't want to be told _casting_ for upcoming things. To me _that_ is too sensitive. But meh, people feel how they feel, who am I to tell them that their feelings are wrong?

If you want to post spoilers in your own journal then that's totally your choice. I then have to decide whether having you on my friends list is worth it.

To give an example of this, dougs removed me for 24 hounts until the animated lion/bear cub was off his front page. I can choose to keep posting animated gifs, and eventually he'll get fed up and take me off his friends list entirely (presumably), or I can choose to avoid doing so (and not post some things that amuse me).

I'll probably continue to post the occasional one - but I'll bear in mind that it makes Doug unhappy when I do it, and it'll probably mean I post them less - or post larger ones under a cut.

I don't find my views overly sensitive. Dead simple so they are - I don't want to be told the endings of things I haven't seen.

That's a pretty absolute position, and one that you're displaying little flexibility over.

Several of us have argued that context plays a role, and that there's a spectrum of points after which common knowledge could be assumed and therefore after which uncut spoilers become fair game (one of my colleagues holds that spoilers are fair game after first terrestrial broadcast - I personally feel that this is a little harsh, but I accept his reasoning). Your view seems to be more along the lines of "once a spoiler, always a spoiler", and you don't seem to have engaged with any more liberal interpretations.

That's a pretty absolute position, and one that you're displaying little flexibility over.

I don't understand how I could display flexibility over explaining what upsets me. I'm not prescribing action for anyone - I'm describing the situation which makes me unhappy. If I changed the description then it would no longer be accurate.

Context does not play a role in how much it makes me unhappy. You telling me about context is not going to change that - why would you expect it to?

I'm telling you what spoils movies for me. How can I be flexible in that? I really don't understand what you're trying to say here.

If movies being spoilt causes you unhappiness rather then momentary frustration I'd be inclined to think you were taking things a little bit too seriously.

You're semantically quibbling here. Frustration is a kind of unhappiness. As is misery, depression, "being bothered", irked, and a whole bunch of other things.

To quibble on...

Frustration and being irked are more linked to anger I would say. "Being bothered" could be either anger or saddness.

Then again if you don't take unhappiness to be a synonym for saddness and just to mean "someone who isn't happy" then it covers... well nigh on every other emotion there is... ;)

Well, when someone spoils me I am both saddened and angered, both in a reasonably small amount, but definitely there.

I was spoiled on the end of Book 6 of Harry Potter when I was 4 pages off that point, by a bunch of chavs who saw me reading it. I could happily have beaten the nearest one to death with the hardback.

That situation I can relate to. If I were in a similar situation I would probably do the same. Luckily I don't read the kinds of books schemies (god good I've gone all Reekie!) know how they end. So the worst I get is "Males bodies? Are you a poof or something?" (I was reading it as research for my dissertation despite the slightly salacious title and cover it's a very dry read in all honesty)

Empathic Failure

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa