andrewducker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andrewducker) wrote2009-07-15 10:58 pm
andrewducker) wrote2009-07-15 10:58 pm
Empathic Failure
One of the strange attitudes on the spoilers post is that of people who seem insistent on telling me how I should enjoy movies. That I pay too much attention to plot, or that I just shouldn't enjoy a movie less if I know how it's going to turn out.
This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.
And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.
It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.
You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.
It's an attitude that completely baffles me.
This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.
And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.
It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.
You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.
It's an attitude that completely baffles me.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
I hate the idea that someone might think a person would do it on purpose - it's dumb, and yeah causes them basically little to no inconvenience to shut up to please someone else. Particularly bothered as marrog just mentioned Ashes to Ashes, which we were talking about at the weekend...
I'm also paranoid that disagreeing with people or discussing something is gonna offend someone. I totally respect that someone can have an opinion about something that I disagree with. Generally I'm not bothered, but might want to discuss it heatedly, with no offence intended in the long term. I like dicsusing stuff and don't get to do it often in a meaningful way.
I used an example of a friend never having seen Empire, so not getting a cultural reference in another movie - I was "shocked" she'd neer seen it, but only becuase I assumed everyone had been made to watch it when they were wee, like me. I wasn't all that bothered she'd not seen it or not, or whether she'd have liked it if she had.
I wish I could be bothered about differences of opinion and not take it personally. I think/hope I'm getting better at it.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
Nobody's perfect, so long as you're trying you're doing well!
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa