andrewducker | Empathic Failure

One of the strange attitudes on the spoilers post is that of people who seem insistent on telling me how I should enjoy movies. That I pay too much attention to plot, or that I just shouldn't enjoy a movie less if I know how it's going to turn out.

This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.

And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.

It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.

You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.

It's an attitude that completely baffles me.

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Seems a bit extreme. Lots of people do seem to have a basic lack of understanding that people's tastes vary. Even something as basic as liking different kinds of music can have people scratching their heads that it's _possible_ for me to like metal...

Being unable to believe that someone can feel something different to oneself is a bit of an extreme position.

The irony is that your post seems to fufil the same function as someone how is "insistent on telling you how to enjoy movies" only from the other side. It's justifying your position that this is not ok and taking this as a given. I think most people would agree that given the way is written, as a disregard for individual autonomy and emotion, most people would agree with you. However I reckon most people would also agree with a post detailing how much someone overreacted just because you'd let slip the ending to something or another - "I mean it's only a movie yeah? In the grand scheme of things it's not actually important... Jesus kids are starving in Africa what a self important arse".

It's a post describing how I feel about movies and their being spoiled for me. It's not a dictat - and it doesn't tell anyone how to act or feel themselves.

And of course there are more important things. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have some importance. If someone punches you in the face and then says "It could be worse, there's genocide in Darfur" then that's not really a good excuse...

The irony is that your post seems to fufil the same function as someone how is "insistent on telling you how to enjoy movies" only from the other side.

Well put. That was my initial thought on reading this post.

Interesting. I didn't feel I was telling anyone how to act - I felt I was telling people how I felt. I then felt you were telling me that those feelings were not important.

I take it that wasn't how you felt?

Calling it a failure of empathy is a bit extreme in my view also, it's a failure of politeness and a transgression of group norms. But not a failure of empathy. Someone who reacts badly to someone else reacting badly to something they have done is just a human being it doesn't mean they are less empathetic or that they won't wince as much as the next person if someone starts punching kittens.

It can be a minor failure of empathy. Things don't have fail totally :->

Empathic Failure

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa

Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa