Nigger

[andrewducker]

So, I had a falling out with someone.

It happens.

I used a word they found offensive. They tried to explain to me, I tried to explain to them.

Neither of us was _right_. We just differed in our opinions over appropriateness and context.

I tried to get through to them, to explain my point of view.

And I failed. And this disappoints me, because I wouldn't have made the effort if I didn't consider them a worthwhile person to talk to. They wouldn't have been on my friends list if I wasn't interested in what they had to say.

What also disappoints me is people who then decide that because we had a disagreement over something that they consider trivial, that she was an idiot, or not worth listening to, or that her opinion didn't matter.

nhw asked me if I'd feel the same about an icon with the word "Nigger" in it. And he's right to, because, to the person I was talking to, the word "Retard" was just as bad. And I know that more people will feel the word "Nigger" is unusable, in any context. It might get across more strongly the fact that this person found what I was saying reprehensible, no matter what justifications I might make about irony.

Now, _I_ don't feel that way. And that's my choice. I have to make my own judgements about word usage, context and what's reasonable. There are some words and contexts I'm fine with, and some I'm not.

But I wouldn't attack someone for being more offended than I am, or dismiss them for pointing out usage that they found offensive.

And I wish you wouldn't either.

Comments

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

Now, _I_ don't feel that way. And that's my choice. I

That's an interesting comment. Do you think how you feel about things is a conscious decision? Or you can make yourself feel differently?

I find that I *can't*, so while I might want to like something (like a TV show a lot of friends enjoy) or believe something (like when I wanted to believe in a god) I can't. My beliefs, likes and emotions tend to dictate to me rather than the other way around. I know that to some extent you can repress your feelings and behave as you feel is more appropriate and that given time opinions, feelings and beliefs can alter - but your statement seems to suggest you find it easier to make a transition between those states if you decide it's worthwhile.

[andrewducker]

Aah, free will.

On the one hand, no, I don't think that my tastes are something I have any choice about - they're feelings, the axioms from which things flow.

On the other hand, they can be changed, and I've been persuaded into changing my taste before, by having hidden depths or overlooked facets shown to me (Which is what I was looking for in the original post).

And you're correct to pouint out that "That's my choice" isn't right - "That's down to me." would probably sum it up better. Or "It's _my_ opinion that counts."