andrewducker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andrewducker) wrote2006-04-30 11:19 am
andrewducker) wrote2006-04-30 11:19 am
Advice for Girls
I can confirm that numbers 2,3 and 9 are definitely true. (stolen from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pickwick)
1. Having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) does not equate to having a life. By the same token, having someone else's boyfriend does not mean you have more life than them, and having two boyfriends does not mean you have twice as much life.
2. When you have sex with a man for the first time there is no point in the process where he will be thinking about how bad your cellulite (etc) is. He will be too busy thinking 'Hurray! This woman is prepared to have sex with me!' Or perhaps, 'Oh God! What will she think if I come too quickly?'
3. If a man tells you, upon prompting, your bum does not look big in something he might be lying, he might be telling the truth, but he is definitely bored.
4. If your boyfriend keeps telling you your stomach is too fat or your tits are too small or your thighs are too flabby, it does not mean there is anything wrong with your stomach/tits/thighs, it doesn't mean you need breast implants or gym membership or to starve yourself - it just means you need to dump your boyfriend.
5. Your period will be irritating, messy and often very painful. Get over it. You cannot claim you are equably able to be a surgeon, pilot, or bank manager as any man if you whine about needing a day off a month to go home and cuddle your hot water bottle. Nor does it give you the right to treat other people badly for a week because you are 'hormotional'. You might well be hormotional, but you can - and should - rise above it.
6. Equality - and equality of attitude - cut both ways. If you think the fact that Lorena Bobbit cut off her cheating boyfriend's penis is hilariously funny, you should be prepared to laugh with a man who cut off his cheating girlfriend's breasts.
7. The only circumstance in which it is appropriate for a man you are having sex with not to wear a condom is if you are in a faithful relationship and both of you have a clean bill of health. If a man tries to cop out of wearing one in any other situation, impress upon him that your vagina is like an exclusive night club - you don't get in unless you are on the VIP guest list and properly attired.
8. Snogging one of your girlie mates in a nightclub once does not make you bisexual. You only get to wear the pearl if you are prepared to suck down the oyster. Leaving 'acting bi to look trendy and make the boys interested' to ageing pop stars with flagging record sales or talentless nonentities who are so overexposed even the tabloids are bored of them getting their tits out.
9. Never ask a man what he is thinking, especially in bed. He will be obliged to disappoint you with the truth or deceive you with a lie.
10. If your relationship is flagging, or you have convinced yourself it is, do not spend hour after hour of your time analysing it and replaying conversations, emails and texts to try and find some hidden meaning. There probably isn't one. If you find yourself doing this, stop; pick up a book, put on a film, go to the gym, do anything that will engage or stimulate your interest. Most women, by the time they are forty, will have wasted enough time to have written a book or learnt a language or done a 100 small things that would enrich their lives, on pointlessly poring over men and relationships that they will ultimately come to see as insignificant or irrelevant to them.
pickwick)1. Having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) does not equate to having a life. By the same token, having someone else's boyfriend does not mean you have more life than them, and having two boyfriends does not mean you have twice as much life.
2. When you have sex with a man for the first time there is no point in the process where he will be thinking about how bad your cellulite (etc) is. He will be too busy thinking 'Hurray! This woman is prepared to have sex with me!' Or perhaps, 'Oh God! What will she think if I come too quickly?'
3. If a man tells you, upon prompting, your bum does not look big in something he might be lying, he might be telling the truth, but he is definitely bored.
4. If your boyfriend keeps telling you your stomach is too fat or your tits are too small or your thighs are too flabby, it does not mean there is anything wrong with your stomach/tits/thighs, it doesn't mean you need breast implants or gym membership or to starve yourself - it just means you need to dump your boyfriend.
5. Your period will be irritating, messy and often very painful. Get over it. You cannot claim you are equably able to be a surgeon, pilot, or bank manager as any man if you whine about needing a day off a month to go home and cuddle your hot water bottle. Nor does it give you the right to treat other people badly for a week because you are 'hormotional'. You might well be hormotional, but you can - and should - rise above it.
6. Equality - and equality of attitude - cut both ways. If you think the fact that Lorena Bobbit cut off her cheating boyfriend's penis is hilariously funny, you should be prepared to laugh with a man who cut off his cheating girlfriend's breasts.
7. The only circumstance in which it is appropriate for a man you are having sex with not to wear a condom is if you are in a faithful relationship and both of you have a clean bill of health. If a man tries to cop out of wearing one in any other situation, impress upon him that your vagina is like an exclusive night club - you don't get in unless you are on the VIP guest list and properly attired.
8. Snogging one of your girlie mates in a nightclub once does not make you bisexual. You only get to wear the pearl if you are prepared to suck down the oyster. Leaving 'acting bi to look trendy and make the boys interested' to ageing pop stars with flagging record sales or talentless nonentities who are so overexposed even the tabloids are bored of them getting their tits out.
9. Never ask a man what he is thinking, especially in bed. He will be obliged to disappoint you with the truth or deceive you with a lie.
10. If your relationship is flagging, or you have convinced yourself it is, do not spend hour after hour of your time analysing it and replaying conversations, emails and texts to try and find some hidden meaning. There probably isn't one. If you find yourself doing this, stop; pick up a book, put on a film, go to the gym, do anything that will engage or stimulate your interest. Most women, by the time they are forty, will have wasted enough time to have written a book or learnt a language or done a 100 small things that would enrich their lives, on pointlessly poring over men and relationships that they will ultimately come to see as insignificant or irrelevant to them.
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And no, I dont think there is anything hilariously funny about any of that. And talk to me about equality when women are regularly raping, maiming and killing their husbands amd kids; or when the men stop. Having a wife or girlfriend doesnt equate with owning a property you can do what you like with. A lot of this post stinks, IMHO.
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And "men" don't need to stop. Individuals need to stop.
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Saying "We don't need to have sympathy for people of type X, because they've been bad to people of type Y." is what's led to intense cycles of feedback that never, ever end. When the Catholics and the Protestants can shout at each other and never stop fighting because the other side did something bad to them and therefore they're entitled to be unpleasant right back.
An eye for an eye leaves us all blind, as Ghandi once said. Being hurt isn't an excuse to hurt people.
You know I don't think that men should be allowed to beat women. But that doesn't make violence against men somehow okay, because it evens out some kind of imaginary karmic balance. Revenge doesn't lead anywhere good, it just leads to yet more hurt.
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You will try to run away, plan an escape. If he finds out, or if he finds you, he will hurt you more. You will be so frightened you think dying might be okay...." Dworkin.
sorry this aint catholics and protestants, you are missing the point altoghether. This is A War, fought everywhere, everyday, with massive casualties. If it were happening to a country we would be arming the victims, we would be helping them to stand up for themselves, to turn against the enemy, to defy the enemy, and, if the enemy won't desist, to make it impossible for the enemy to hurt them anymore.
If this were happening to a country, it would be number one on Amnesties lists, there would be endless new bulletins about the most recent atrocities. There would be daily appeals. If this were happening to a country perhaps you would see that the women have been remrakably, _remarkably_ restrained in their response, despite almost no help from the state until recently, and that only for a lucky few in the west. Whilst the enemy are using their fists, their cocks, their guns and knifes on a daily basis, the victims have tended to respond with words, by trying to establish some safe spaces, by trying to change the law. For fucks sake they couldnt be more restrained if they were all Ghandi. They've been restrained for centuries. It hasn't stopped the violence.
So if one of these countless usually nameless victims actually retaliates, snaps at one point, if the occasional worm turns and takes on themselves the Lex Talionis, then power to them. Its a big deal tho, isn't it? They're not meant to do that. You can remember Lorena Bobbett's name, we can all remember her, because so few do stand up. Its remarkable. Its _not_ remarkable that women get beaten, raped, killed every day, this rarely makes the news, even tho it happens everywhere, everyday. But if one of these victims, if one of them, perish the thought, should defend herself, or strike back, thats news. If, God forbid, if there is a _male_ casuality in this war then that is news. Oh yes, we all remember the name of the one male victim. The women remain uncounted, unnamed. The women continue to be hurt.