At age 45 I'm still discovering things about women

[andrewducker]

I can't tell if women assume that the things that happen universally around them also happen around men, or if they know that men aren't aware of them and think that it's pointless to mention them.

Because it was many years into my life that I heard about some of the awful things that women have to put up when walking around. Because nobody has ever yelled sexist things at a woman when I've been standing next to her. Nobody has ever followed a woman I'm with down the street for fifty feet asking her on a date until she has to go into a shop to hide from them. Nobody has ever exposed themselves to a woman I've been standing with. (To pick a few examples of things that have happened to women I know.)

And I didn't tend to find out about these kinds because women actively told me. I heard about them through being there when a woman was telling another woman.

Today's one was hearing from a female friend that since she changed her profile picture three days ago (to a really lovely portrait) that she's had six friends requests from guys she's never met, and has no friends in common with. And then having her friends chime in with defense methods (not allowing friends requests from people they have nobody in common with, setting their photo to be something other than their face), and to mention how often this happens to them too.

Which makes me wonder what other things are happening to women that I have absolutely no idea about.

And, going back to my opening line, I've had both reactions from women. Sometimes amazement that "How can men not know?" and sometimes "There's no point telling a man, he won't be supportive." I suspect we're going to need several more #MeToo moments to get more of this out in the open.

Comments

[ashfae]

Honestly it didn't occur to me to think of it as unusual, for all that I was posting about it; I was amused that the number had gone up so quickly, but the fact that it happens at all is so common to all women I know it didn't occur to me men might not be aware it happens. Fielding incidents like this (and this one was super mild, obviously) is so commonplace a thing that it takes no thought, it's like scratching an itch or scrubbing a counter, you do it so often it's instinct. Or my automatically taking a hairtie out of my hair (too easy to grab in a ponytail) and not wearing headphones when I'm walking down my street alone after dark, or crossing to the other side if there are men walking on the same street. It's as habitual as breathing.

And, of course, it shouldn't have to be. But yeah, we think about this stuff all the time, it's ingrained. And that would be why when the more clueless types try to insist rape culture isn't a thing, we go bang our heads against walls. And I have it *so* easy, I've never been really assaulted (....And I've just qualified that with 'really' and realised it's debateable, huh), I don't get shouted out on the street, frankly I'm a lot more likely to get insulted about my weight then propositioned. Which is partly why I was weirdly *flattered* by suddenly having all these friend requests, based solely on a picture of my face, even though it's a really pretty weird thing to do.

....in short: patriarchy, man. It's​ a stinker.