2015-05-21

This evening I hung out with

mark_nicol* after work. We had a drink in two different bars**, looking for somewhere quiet in town on a Thursday night, and chatted about India, javascript frameworks, and massive radio telescopes. It was really nice.

Except that after about an hour, my body started doing the same thing it seems to start doing after an hour with _anyone_ at the moment. Which is going into panic mode, where I'm suddenly being loud, sweaty, shaky, and generally really on edge.

And it doesn't seem to need anything to happen in order for this to happen - it happened the last two times I saw

cairmen too - and he's also a delightful person who is fun to spend time with.

It seems to happen to some extent with pretty much anyone I spend time with at the moment. I assume that my generally raised stress levels from the ongoing life stuff are interacting with my natural introversion*** to mean that an hour of other people is all I can take before I need to escape. Either literally, or into my phone/internet if that's easier than physically departing.

And I feel rubbish for this. Because I like people, and I like spending time with them. And I don't want them to feel that I'm constantly running away from them.

But I'm not sure what, if anything, I can do about it at the moment.

*Who is absolutely lovely, smart, and interesting, and you should go friend him and persuade him to write more.
**One drink in each, we didn't split the drink between bars, they don't like that.
***Yes, really.

2015-05-21

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Cause I'm one step closer to the edge