andrewducker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andrewducker) wrote2009-07-15 10:58 pm
andrewducker) wrote2009-07-15 10:58 pm
Empathic Failure
One of the strange attitudes on the spoilers post is that of people who seem insistent on telling me how I should enjoy movies. That I pay too much attention to plot, or that I just shouldn't enjoy a movie less if I know how it's going to turn out.
This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.
And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.
It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.
You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.
It's an attitude that completely baffles me.
This seems to be a common thread in discussion on the internet - one person says "I don't like X." and a bunch of people say that not enjoying X is immature, or that it's not that bad, or that they like X a lot, or that they can't see X at all.
And they don't seem to be providing this information for general cultural reasons, but in denial that the original person is "correct" to feel the way they do in the first place.
It's something I've seen repeatedly, that if unhappy people would just stop being unhappy then everything would be fine. That they shouldn't complain about people doing things they don't like - because if they'd just learn to like people doing things they didn't like then nothing would have to change, and everyone would be happy.
You don't have to agree with people who complain - if you feel differently then you feel differently. You don't have to stop doing the thing they feel unhappy about - that's your judgement to make. But to hear people expressing their feelings on something and then express anger, disbelief or scorn because they have those feelings strikes me as a basic lack of empathy.
It's an attitude that completely baffles me.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
For some definition of "reasonable".
I agree entirely with your second paragraph.
it is sometimes possible to change how much something upsets you
In which case advice on how to do this would seem to be the answer.
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
Right, and obviously that's dependent on the people involved and the context and so on, but it's not entirely subjective in the way that an emotional response is.
In which case advice on how to do this would seem to be the answer.
Agreed. I mean, people were doing that, but it would be better if they did it from a "you might find it less of a problem if you looked at it this way" than a "your way of doing it is mechanistic and inferior, mine is way better".
Re: probably repeating things that have already been said, but can't be bothered transplanting my sa
And yes :->