On a more serious note

[andrewducker]

I've seen a couple of discussions recently of violence against women and attitudes towards it.  Someone (and I can't find the original comment) asked if things were so bad that women ought to be grateful when they _aren't_ raped.

And here's a report from South Africa, in which it seems that 25% of men admit to having raped someone.

That's 1 in 4 people _admitting_ to rape.

And if the rapist is over 25 then there's a 25% chance they have HIV.

I'm feeling distinctly shocked.

Comments

[coffee-lifeform.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. I had a pretty epic comment written when I decided it was far TMI and let it go. I'd be interested to hear what you had to say, though.

[henriksdal.livejournal.com]

God, I still can't decide what to write. I'm happy to share, but think I'll get flamed/called a naive idiot for daring to post something so "personal". Hmm, I'll drop you a private message..

[andrewducker]

If anyone calls you an idiot for sharing a person experience I'll ban them.

Seriously - I don't want this to be that kind of place - it's my "home", not some random internet forum.

If you're not comfortable sharing in public then I understand - but I won't tolerate people being unpleasant to you over something sensitive like this.

[henriksdal.livejournal.com]

aha no, that is my point - there's no-one specific who would do that, it's the idea that everyone I know is sitting there thinking "omg tmi, I can't believe she just said that"

Even though I'm really quite comfortable discussing it. Actually, what has now happened is that i've over-thought it and I'm getting a headache. :D

[andrewducker]

Oh dear - I hope it got better :->

In general, I'd rather people overshared than undershared. If people were less ashamed then we'd all know more about how the world _really_ is.

But I don't want to push any particular person beyond their comfort boundaries.

[henriksdal.livejournal.com]

Well, exactly. My point basically boiled down to wanting to say at some point in these discussions "I've been raped and I think XYZ" but I have an overwhelming feeling that I shouldn't be discussing it unless it's in the context of sharing my story of being a victim - but that's never how I dealt with having been sexually assaulted.

I, honest to god, in this sodding day and age and with the social liberal bubble I'm in, honestly still feel like this is something I should be ashamed of - which is frankly ridiculous. I'm not ashamed, I've dealt with it myself, but I still feel like I shouldn't be talking about it.

I know this comes down a lot to the reactions of the majority of people I told (years ago now), to the point that I just don't mention it any more when it would be a relevant thing to say in a discussion (You know, not just coming out with it as a non sequitur..) The reactions being, generally, a mixture of shock, or pity, or, my personal favourite "oh so that's why you're gay". The subject was always quickly changed, when it was a discussion about rape to start with. Very rarely were there any hugs and only once a "me too, isn't it crap?" I hasten to add that when I have told people in the past few years the reactions have been much better, but then again, I know a lot of more thoughtful people now.

And one of the other things that gets me here is that I don't know that I know anyone who's been sexually assaulted; it feels like it's just me then. Which can't be right, right? Or is it just that not one of us feel we can talk about it?

I understand the sensitivity and privacy of this, of course I do, and the assumption that "not everyone wants to talk about it in public". However, this made me think that if I did want to talk about it, then I was in the wrong, and certainly no-one really wants to listen.

Crikey. Does that even make sense? I'm terrible at explaining my thoughts, do appreciate that before you decide I've caused some mortal offence to everyone. I feel much better for writing a long-winded comment now, sorry for off-loading a bit. I wish I could do write stuff better..

[andrewducker]

I don't have time to do a proper response to this right now (dashing off from work in 10 and have shedloads to do before I'll be near the internet later), but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing at all.

And *hugs*.